Constant Change
Things are constantly changing, and no matter how often it happens, I swear I have to relearn it every time. Just as soon as something feels familiar or ordinary or somehow a part of the fabric of my life, it shifts, and I find myself having to reassess or reacclimate to some new reality.
Recently, we had an Airbnb guest who booked our place for six weeks, and at first, he was loud, and I wasn't a fan. But over time, I got used to him. The way he closed the side door, the sound of his footsteps on the stairs, his voice as it carried when he was on a Zoom call. I'd run into him, we'd chat, and I grew to like him. Despite how loud he closed doors, he was soft-spoken in our interactions, kind, and always mindful not to linger. Then, the six weeks were over, he checked out, and that was that. I missed his presence for a week, then I got used to having our basement unoccupied, and finally, I practically forgot all about him.
It surprises me every time—the rapid shift from "this is new" to "this is normal" to "this is over." So many things are like that! I work on projects with clients where, at first, it feels daunting, then I get the hang of it, then I'm in the groove, and then it's over. Seasons, long weekends away, friendships, and even my breakfast preferences - come along, look different, come back around, go, etc. I am prone to nostalgia, and every little shift - no matter how mundane - fills me with that bittersweet feeling.
The New Normal
I started a part-time contract position on April 1st with a studio based on the East Coast. It was stressful at first getting used to the early mornings, meeting the team, and learning how the projects run, but ultimately, I got the hang of it. Three months in, it finally feels like "the new normal," I've settled into it enough to feel like I can relax. While I was getting used to this new role and wrapping up a few projects (primarily websites and an editorial map), the outside world was changing, too.
We went from cool-perfect spring to hot-sunny summer. We've got this warm summer daylight that hangs around, the wildflowers are in bloom, and there are never-ending opportunities to hang with my people in the form of BBQs, softball games, coffee dates, and spontaneous bike rides to swim. The cons are that it's way too hot, I can't get enough downtime, and I have no motivation for the 87 projects I started in the promise of spring—all I want to do is sit in my backyard with a cold beverage and listen to the birds.
Too Many Projects
The shed has been standing in our backyard looking at us like, "Are you going to finish this project ever?" and we've only made the tiniest progress on it, adding insulation and venting and then endlessly discussing what kinds of walls we should do. The mural in the basement that I started in April needs two more hours of painting before I can call it done. There are ceramics on my shelf at the pottery studio that have been waiting weeks to get glazed, and if I start listing the backyard and personal projects I've been *meaning* to do, this newsletter will never end. It’s a problem; I have too many projects and plans and often feel overwhelmed by my own doing.
I recently listened to an episode of the Andy J Pizza Podcast that made me feel less overwhelmed about this reality. He laid out the two headspaces one might occupy: Open and Closed. People prone to openness score high in creativity and are great at endlessly coming up with ideas but can struggle to finish things. People prone to closeness aren't as great at thinking outside the box but are good at getting things done. To make something great, you should spend a period being open to ideas and options, but then you must make decisions and follow those through. I struggle with the second part of that equation.
I resist making a final decision, hoping to stay in the ideation phase forever, or I get excited about a new project before I finish the first. It's an easy trap for a creative to fall into. I know I can get better at prioritizing things and completing them before I go on the next project, and I know I can work harder to just make decisions instead of endlessly daydreaming about the potential; I also know I can opt to go easy on myself, and not fall victim to the idea of having to ‘always being productive.’ Lately, the third strategy is the one I’ve been trying to embrace the most.
Embracing Laziness
The truth is, despite the overwhelmed feeling, I like having an ongoing list of ‘optional’ things to do so that I can lean into those projects when I want to; it’s helpful for my brain to get to pick what I want to work on, and it helps me enjoy those projects more when I do get into them. So, I’ve been working on getting better at being okay with a certain level of what might look to the outside world as "laziness” and “half-finishedness.”
It's OK to lie in my backyard in the sun and watch the birds for hours; it’s relaxing. I need downtime. And it's OK to bounce between projects and work on them bit by bit until they are done and not be so focused on finishing things. I can enjoy the moments in between, like the current status of the shed as a half-finished shed, because one day it won’t be like that, and I’ll probably be nostalgic for that summer we neglected the shed and instead got a pool for our backyard for the dogs to play in.
Speaking of Summer
I’ve also been neglecting the shed, the mural, and the yard to do more meaningful things. Things you can only do in summer when the days are long and the nights are warm. I went on a camping/biking trip with some girlfriends; we rode over the 242 pass. I hiked to Punchbowl Falls with Nick and his parents when they were in town. I joined a softball team and have been enjoying Thursday nights under the lights of Sellwood Park, remembering how to hit a softball. I’ve been riding my bike on Friday mornings and throwing ceramics on Sunday afternoons. We floated the Clackamas River with friends and went to the coast for beach time and surfing this past weekend.
Things are good in my world, and I know I’m fortunate to have all these options for hobbies, adventures, projects, and plans. It’s truly a privilege to decide between throwing ceramics, tending to my plants, throwing the ball for my adorable dogs, and watching another episode of Hacks with Nick.
Up Next
This week, I’m working on putting together a street fair booth for the Montavilla Street Fair, which is happening on Sunday from 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. I’ll be selling some artwork and marketing AP Studio.
Come by to say hi and shop my limited collection of ceramics, art prints, and screen prints! I’m also selling some journals with my artwork and will be giving away stickers and screen-printed bags. Thanks for reading, and if you are a subscriber, thanks for subscribing! See you in the fall.
